I recently had the opportunity to read Don't Swear with Your Mouth Full by Cary S. Chugh, Ph. D and child psychologist. His book introduces behavior-limited discipline, which he explains below. Before you even read his book, you should be able to walk away with the basic idea that children should not be given "punishments" which allow to continue anti-social behavior, though cool-off time may be needed. But instead, they need to practice pro-social behaviors. This discipline, like Chugh's book, is very accessible to both parents and teachers. He discusses "difficult" children as making up about 10% of children. More importantly, he explains that these children often aren't "difficult" due to their parents poor parenting, but rather the child's temperament and desire for control.
I love his quote, "Good discipline doesn't knock kids down -it builds them up!" To me this addresses the need to model respect and compassion and to never demean children.
Enjoy!
As parents and educators, we are learning about Emotional and/or Behavioral Disorders (EBD) categories for children more and more. We also hear about Oppositional Defiant Disorders (ODD). How do "difficult" children, that 10%, fit into the EBD categories if at all?
There is no doubt that kids with difficult temperamental traits are at an elevated risk for future psychiatric problems later in life. However, “difficult” beginnings do not necessarily lead to bad outcomes. The good news is that the research in this area clearly shows that good parenting and good behavioral interventions can sway the outcome so that these kids learn to use their drive for control in a positive, pro-social way. In fact, the biggest concern I have for these kids is that the typical reactions they get from their parents and teachers seem to work in the short-run, but backfire in the long-run in terms of fostering a negative attitude about authority and contributing to low self-esteem. Good discipline doesn’t knock kids down – it builds them up!
How do we make appropriate behavior plans or management and parenting strategies to help these kids become more successful?
Most schools and families favor a myopic approach to discipline, focusing solely on the unwanted behaviors. The problem with this mindset is that when a “bad” behavior is successfully eliminated, there remains a void that needs to be filled. Here’s a simple way to view the problem with typical time-limited punishments, like a day in detention. Putting students in detention is a punishment because they are losing some freedom as a result of their behavior. So if losing their freedom is a punishment, what do you call it when the punishment ends and they get all of their freedom back? It is a reward, plain and simple. In this example, the student gets rewards for – what? – showing up and sitting quietly for an hour after school? Nothing in this exchange trains students in better ways of behaving.
In Don’t Swear with Your Mouth Full!, my new analysis of basic behavioral research lead to the development of a new approach to behavior modification called behavior-limited discipline. Instead of ending a punishment after some arbitrary time limit has expired, this new approach promotes skills development by requiring the student to complete some type of corrective activity, usually involving the rehearsal of an alternative pro-social behavior. Behavior-limited punishments are thought to be highly suitable for kids who have a high need for control over their environment because this style allows them to have complete control over both the implementation and the termination of punishments. Furthermore, they can’t escape the punishment until they practice a preferred competing behavior, making it less likely that they will be punished for the same behavior in the future. When the kindergartner runs down the hallway, no one makes them sit in time-out. Rather, teachers tell them they can go where they were heading – but first, they need to return to the classroom and walk down like a big kid. The same kind of mentality is ideal for more troubling behaviors. Now that we have a better understanding of the mechanics involved in this type of intervention, we can finally reach older kids with more complex needs. I wrote this book to guide teachers and parents in a better way to socialize challenging kids.
You, like some educators, have worked with children with extremely challenging behavior, have you found research, or created it, about the success of these children as adults? If so, what are the glimmers of hope and what are the hurdles for these children?
Kids need opportunities for success. If we only focus on the bad behaviors, we inadvertently encourage kids to avoid detection, rather than to develop better behavior. Because behavior-limited punishments require the student to demonstrate the preferred behaviors to end the punishment, positive reinforcement for mastering a skill is built right into the plan. This approach also feeds into their need for control because the burden of escape is on their shoulders. I also argue that this approach is better for the adult-child relationship because it forces the adult to teach the child in socially acceptable behaviors instead of just condemning what they don’t like. My advice for teachers – the kids who are the most challenging are the ones who need you the most. Punish when you need to, but don’t let that child out of the punishment without experiencing your praise and encouragement for better behavior. The teachers who persist and don’t give up on these kids are the ones they will credit for helping them choose a positive path in life!
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